Who am i? If you would have asked me two years ago I'd have said 'Shalyca', but who is that? I had lost sight of myself, all I knew was that I was 'damaged'. I had been broken and beaten by the universe, family, friends, strangers and had no sense of self worth left. I would always put on a smile and people called me sweet and bubbly, but I was dying inside. I wasn't sure why I was so depressed, after all, I had successfully suppressed every bad thing that had ever happened and desensitized myself to emotional pain... so why did I feel my soul fading away? Years of pain and sadness which i never acknowleged was finally eating away at my heart, desintegrating me from the inside out. Until I became a ghost.
I went on a journey inwards to self discovery, I found myself in the darkest depths of my soul. I attended to my wounds and I healed my innerchild by being brutally honest with myself and unafraid to feel, no matter how much it hurt. Today I am more alive than I have ever been, and this is my story.....
I am Shalyca and Marie is just one of my many many middle names. I was born in England 3 weeks premature on November 13 1997. I had a congenital heart defect and rare intestinal disorder. The doctors told my mom not to get too attached because I might not make it, but I did. My mom sang to my day and night and I hung on to her strength and faith, as small and as frail as I was, I didn’t let go. To this day my mother is still the root of my strength.
Thanks to my mother my childhood wasn’t perfect but it was amazing, I grew up a very healthy and happy little girl, nothing could stand in my way. My stepdad was in the army so we moved around a lot, giving me the opportunity to learn new languages, meet new people and explore new cultures. One day, my childhood, my undying happiness and my purity got stripped away from me. I was sexually assaulted at knifepoint on my way home from school. On the tip of the knife glinting in the moonlight, I could see my soul breaking down deep in my eyes. I dusted myself off and went home. As much as I tried to suppress the memories and the pain as time went on, it continued to tear me apart until one day it broke my heart. A traumatic experience which resulted in debilitating heart problems. I was in and out of the hospital, fainting up to 20 times a day, forced to miss out of my last year of school and 2 whole years of my life. I had forgotten about my dreams and my passions. I had forgotten who I was. I lost my will to live. I would stop texting my friends for weeks at a time, in attempt to push them away, hoping they’d forget about me because I thought my life was over. An angel came into my life, my mom got a puppy to keep me company. We discovered my little dog could sense when I was about to pass out and she learned to warn me so I could sit down to avoid passing out. With her by my side I was able to go out of the house again, knowing she would protect me. My will and excitement returned. So I stayed strong, if not for my self, then for my mom. I now have a fairly normal life, my heart healing day by day. I try to live every day with the same strength, courage and determination I had when I was first born, and the same excitement and curiosity I had as a child. As we grow up we face challenges which we believe are made to break us down, but in reality they’re there to make us stronger and to further serve our evolution in this existence, if we let them.
My life is far from perfect but I consider myself to be very blessed; I am surrounded love, family, friends an amazing boyfriend and they’re all the root of my strength. If there ever comes a day where I loose the will to fight for myself, I think about my loved ones because they are the reason I am here on this earth in the first place. We are all here to serve and care for one another and to selflessly spread love. I’m on this journey to heal my mind body and soul so I can love unconditionally. I am here so I can learn to live my life with love and so i can inspire you and lead you to live your life with love. Thats my purpose. YOU are my purpose.
It all begins when you learn to love yourself.